George W. Bush: Resume
it would be a heck of a
lot easier,
just so long as I'm the
dictator."
Attacked and invaded two
countries so far, losing more US
soldiers after I claimed "Mission Accomplished" than the total number
who were killed during full combat operations in both wars combined.
Spent the largest surplus in
the history of the country and nearly bankrupted the treasury.
Shattered records
for the biggest annual deficit in history.
Presided
over all time economic record for most private bankruptcies filed during any Presidency,
beating the previous record, which was set during the depression years.
Helped "push" through Congress
and then signed into law the
largest overtime pay cut in US history, despite the fact that 3 out of 4
Americans opposed it.
First President in US
history to enter office with a criminal record.
After taking the entire month of August 2001 off for
vacation, presided
over the worst security failure in US history, the September 11 attacks on the
World Trade Center and the Pentagon.
Set the record for
most campaign fund-raising trips of any President in US history.
In my first
three years in office over 3.3 million Americans lost their jobs.
Presided over the all-time U.S. record
for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.
Presided
over perhaps the biggest energy crisis in US history and refused to intervene
when ENRON corruption was revealed and many states faced bankruptcy.
Presided
over the highest gasoline prices in US history and refused to use the
national reserves as past presidents have.
Cut
healthcare benefits for war veterans while posing on aircraft carriers in a
flight suit and despite praising the troops at every opportunity.
My
administration is the most secretive and unaccountable of any in US history,
surpassing the secrecy of the Nixon administration at its darkest moments.
Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration
in US history. (the
'poorest' multi-millionaire, Condoleeza Rice, had a Chevron oil tanker named
after her).
Presided over the worst fiscal crisis
to hit all 50 states of the Union since World War II.
First President in US history to order an
unprovoked attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation.
First President in US history to start a war against the will of the
United Nations and the world community.
Set
the all-time record for biggest annual budget spending increases, more than
any President in US history.
First President in US history to have the United
Nations remove the US from the human rights commission.
Along with my Attorney
General, John Ashcroft, I have eroded the civil liberties
of American citizens more than at any other time in US history.
After the 9/11 attacks, I lobbied
for and signed into law the
"rush job" Patriot Act, which legalized "Big Brother-like" surveillance of US
citizens for the first time in history.
I
disregard states rights when it suits me, but I always run for office on a
platform that holds states rights above federal rights.
I've imprisoned more sick people for growing and smoking
medicinal Cannabis than any other president, in
violation of states rights, of course, and against the wishes of the states and
local voters.
Withdrew from the World Court
(International Court of Justice) and I refuse to recognize it unless it
gives my administration, the US and global corporations special immunity.
I have kept 660 prisoners
of war in Guantanamo Bay for two years without charging any of them. I've
cleverly classified them as "enemy combatants", thereby allowing me
to circumvent the Geneva Convention when I feel like it.
All-time
US (and world) record holder for most corporate campaign donations.
My personal friend and biggest lifetime campaign contributor
presided over one of the
largest corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former CEO
of Enron Corporation).
Instead of springing into
action as Commander in Chief after I learned that the US was under attack on
9/11, I
read a book called 'The Pet Goat' to schoolchildren for a while so I wouldn't alarm them.
First US President
to establish a secret shadow government, and I did this without the
knowledge or participation of the opposition parties in congress.
Squandered
world sympathy for the US after 9/11, and in less than a year made the US
the most resented country in the world (possibly the biggest diplomatic failure
in US and world history).
First US President in history to have a majority of
the people of Europe view the US as the biggest threat to world peace and
stability.
First US President in history to have the people of
South Korea feel more threatened by the US than their immediate neighbor, North
Korea.
Failed to fulfill my pledge to
get Osama Bin Laden 'dead or alive'.
Additionally, I have failed to bring to justice anyone
else responsible for the 9/11 attacks.
Failed to capture the
anthrax suspect(s) who tried to murder the leaders of our country at the United
States Capital building.
After intense pressure from
families of 9/11 victims and others, I finally consented to a public 9/11
investigation over a year after the attacks. But my first nominee to
head the Commission, Henry Kissinger, resigned because of his secret ties to
Middle Eastern business interests.
In a
little over two years created the most divided country in decades, possibly
the most divided the US has ever been since the civil war.
Did nothing
about the failing US power grid during the first two years of my presidency, despite
repeated warnings, and later presided over the largest total power blackout in US
history that incapacitated several states and part of Canada.
In order to
prevent financing abortions in China, I cut off all $34 million of aid to the
U.N. Population Fund, which was also used to provide medical care to
teenagers with defective pregnancies.
I have done a lot
to weaken environment regulations in America. My administration has: Rolled back clean air
standards; broken a promise to address global warming; slowed the clean up of
toxic waste dumps while making taxpayers foot the bill; changed regulations to
allow more arsenic in tap water; advocated a forest policy that will vastly
increase timber cutting; cut back protections for endangered species; fought
for oil drilling in the pristine Arctic National Wildlife Refuge; allowed
America's dirtiest power plants to keep polluting; opposed renewable energy and
reversed course on energy efficiency; and given key positions in the White
House to former energy executives and lobbyists.
Records
and References:
At
least one conviction for drunk driving in Maine (Texas driving record has
been "lost" and is not available).
My daddy pulled strings to get me into the Air National Guard and make sure I didn't have to
serve abroad during the Vietnam war, and then I
went AWOL and deserted the military during wartime, for which I was not
punished.
I've never taken drug tests and I've been evasive about whether
I've used any illegal drugs or not.
For personal references please
speak to my daddy or uncle James Baker (they can
be reached at their offices of the secretive Carlyle Group, which has ties to
the family of Osama Bin Laden).
(Thanks to Kelley Kramer for the original idea. Thanks also to http://cronus.com/bushresume/ and http://www.eforce-george.com/resmay.html
).
Questions, comments or complaints?
E-mail mojo-hand@earthlink.net